Let me just do a quick update on my blog before i go to sleep since its been ages that i last updated...let's see....erm work has been great though it is quite tiring physically...been clicking off pretty well with most of the colleagues but still trying to figure out how to communicate and work more effectively with 1 or 2 of them...

Had an event with the YEC last weekend...barely slept 4 hours on sat night before going down at like 7am the next morning...thankfully there were a few capable students leaders among the volunteers from TP and NYC who came to help...i won't know what to do without them cos i barely had any sleep the night before plus i had to attend to people fainting in addition to the fact that i was sick...

Thankfully the weather held up and it didn't rain during the event...however i did suffer a minor heat stroke and got a bit disoriented and ended up walking straight into a scaffolding head first...pretty bless that i didn't lose an eye or break my nose...ended the day by getting to know a few more interesting students such as the students union leaders like Carlos and Amanda who gave me their strongest support and not to forget Joan who kept me entertained the entire day thanks to her "secret" book =p

Guess the updates have to end here for now cos i gotta go for work tomorrow....i have updated the items i am planning to get or hope someone will get for me for those who can't figure out what you are gonna get for me for my birthday next week =p

Night people...promise that i will try to come online more often to update so see ya =)

Been getting smses from some people regarding my last post...was too lazy to reply after the 3rd sms as it was too complicated to explain in 160 characters...

The conflicting emotions stirred up is something like old memories for example how we found when my friends and i were in secondary school and we had this idiotic idea to ride our bicycles into swimming pools trying to see who can land the furthest from the edge of the pool...it is something funny but not something i would do in this day and age as the mentality is different...

The reason that there is even a conflict is because i wasn't expecting to come across it and it literally shocked me our of my room-cleaning mood - it is kind of like opening a letter expecting a voucher and finding a death threat inside...

That is the main reason for not wanting to continue packing my room at the point and wanting some support from someone so that i can get my emotions in check as i was already off-balanced and to continue would be pure foolishness as i won't know how many more "landmines" there are lying around...

Nothing more nothing less so please stop speculating...

Came across a letter and a present hidden in the corner of my wardrobe given to me years ago...should have placed it with the rest of the items on the memory shelf but i opened it up and read the letter without thinking...bloody thing stirred up a whole shitload of conflicting emotions...

Sealed everything up in a box...i am not going to face it at this moment and definitely not alone as this is one battle that i am bound to lose if i face it without preparation and support...

Packing the room is definitely not the smartest move in my life considering that there is so many landmines lying around...

Hmmmm have not updated in a while so shall do so before i become completely buried under my commitments...

Ok having said that I have no idea where to start blogging o.O so much has been happening in my life at the moment it is kinda overwhelming...wanna let go and have a few days to myself but with the amount of commitments I have even if I take a machete and hack at it, the machet might just break first...whatever was I thinking as a kid when I said wanted to grow up faster? I must have been clinically insane...

Let's start with my work...one of my colleagues is leaving the company and I been shifted to help take over till the next person come in...got a funny feeling about that...just a weird weird gut feeling that it is going to take longer than promised for the new person to come in...nonetheless I have been learning a lot working here...learning at a tremendous rate but its gonna improve me if I can just endure through it...

Been having tons of fun at work as well...having events like the MJ tribute at DXO just the last weekend...got to know some of the performers...I have been mentioning their names so often in my reports and write-ups that it feels like I know them personally but I have never spoken to them before in my entire life...even got to speak to little miss dolphin...the gal who performed what they call "hai tun ying" in the last show at the Arts House...darn cool...

Wonder if she could communicate with the real dolphins if we brought her to underwater world hahaha ok I know its rubbish but can you imagine ~ A human trying to mimic the dolphin and get slapped by the dolphin who says in a brit accent: "Don't speak dolphinese in that awful singlish accent! ~ what a sight that would be =)

The new YEC term has just started...let's see what new things we can learn this year ^^ there has been a major change in some of the position so it is gonna be a blast to see how we are going to work together and what new scandals are gonna pop up =) not that there is any truth in them but its just fun all the same to see everyone having fun together...

Ok had enough of a break...now going to lock myself back into the little prison cell they call my cubicle and work on my reports...will try to update again soon =)

*I am not clinically insane just using venting off some steam so I can work done…

Sometimes you will never notice just exactly how much is going on at the same until you take a step and breath...the things which were once important somehow got buried slowly but surely under the little stuff till you can not longer see it...can you remember what is really important to you?

In the blink on an eye, its been more than 7 months since I came out from the army...looking back I realized that the past two years were not as bad as it seem to me when I was in it...maybe looking at things in hindsight really does help improve the scenery...looking ahead at the things which I want to achieve I realize that it seem as far to me now as when I just went into the army and was wondering when would I finish serving my term...

Now that I have achieved my freedom in a manner of speaking, there are times where I yearn for the simplicity and security that was the very part of army life that I chaffed against...yet if given the choice to return to the safety of army life I would not accept it...

The main reason that my stint in the army has been brought to mind again is because last saturday during the rehearsals for the bgm, I got a call from my old platoon-mate from medic course...he called to tell me that Rickieno was gone...he was involved in a traffic accident earlier that morning and did not make it...

At first I thought it was some kind of sick joke as Rick is one of the best riders I have ever met...he was too vibrant and full of life to be dead...he just served 2 years of his life for the freaking country and yet he is gone before he even get to enjoy the rest of his life...life is seriously a perverse joke...

The sick joke was that for the bgm, the theme of the musical was Dreams, Hope & Passion...a line in the musical even went "as long as there is hope and passion, dreams can come true..."
Where was Rick's chance to live a life of passion and chase after his dreams? among the people I know there is few who are as vibrant as him...yet in a single moment it was extinguished...

Life is a sick bastard yet we are forced to play by its rules because the alternative is the cold and silent embrace of death...

Labels: Realizations and Revelations

Have not had the time nor mood to blog in quite some time...partially due to the face that there is nothing much to blog about recently as the only thing that has been keeping me occupied is work...

Been facing quite a lot of problem at work due to the fact that i do not know what my boss wants...the standards which he has set for us is pretty high and even though i can understand what he wants at time but sometimes his mind moves so fast that he lost me from the start...

The other colleagues also seem to face this problem but they are able to preempt him most of the time...it is either because they have been with him for so long or it might be due to the fact that most of them are degree holders or in the process of getting it...maybe what they say about paper qualifications really does make a difference is true after all...

Been on the verge of falling sick the last week...finally scummed to it yesterday...been having migraines quite often too...had 3 in the last 2 months at the last count...not including the headaches which did not develop into migraines...wonder if the stress is getting to me...maybe i am really not cut out to work in a office...i get to meet a lot of interesting partners and work with really nice colleagues but i dun seem really cut out for this...

Anyways Shereen's father passed away last week...tried to spend as much time as i could with her...luckily Alicia was able to go down nearly everyday so at least she was not alone...having the family member of someone who is so close to me pass away really made me take a good look at my mortality and what i have done with my life...

If i were to pass away tomorrow what would people say? have i really made a difference in the lives of others around me? if i were really to die tomorrow i would have no regrets but is there anything else i could have done to change the lives of those around me? was my decision to start leaving behind a legacy this year too late? if i were to die this very night would the 20 odd years that i lived for be for naught?

What will i be remembered for if i am going to be remembered at all? as an annoying bastard who was always observing others in the corner before even speaking to them, the hot tempered mountain of a guy who blows up over nothing at times yet keep his cool when everyone else is panicking or as the happy-go-lucky clown who is always trying to include others in the conversations and make them smile instead of sitting in the corner?

How many will remember me only as the facade of whom i portrayed myself to be rather than who i really was? will any one even remember me as Ball instead of Terrence or do they really think that the two are the same?

No, i am not suicidal nor is Daniels trying to take over...its just the thoughts of someone who wonders where does he really stand in this huge mega event that is called life...the game of which there is no reset button nor is there anyway of restarting the entire thing...every choice you make is literally set in stone...

Now that i come to think of it...do we even realize how absurd a life we are living? all our decisions are the biggest things in life because there is no turning back and yet at the same time it is of no value because if we were to make the wrong choice and perish, the world would still go on without us...is there something important to life which i am missing?

Something for you guys to try out if you are having sore throat from singing too much...for the first version you have to heat the oven to about 200* as you want the sugar to caramalize...not really the best for sore throats as it contains sugar and might cause more flam...

The second version can made stronger by slow boiling the concentrate till its really thick and just take it direct...try using flavoured honey as it gives it a unique taste...

Recipes for Honey Lemon Slices.

*All you need in honey and a lemon, I prefer one lemon. Cut into slices, put the honey into a small bowl and have a BBQ brush, place the lemon slices onto a plate, make sure to honey both sides of the slice. Put it on a cookie sheet and put crystal sugar on top and bake it for a 1-2 min and then brush honey on top and eat.

*As a drink

Three items are needed to make this.
3.5 lbs of lemons,
one 32 ounce (2 lbs) jar of honey,
a medium sized Tupperware container (roughly 7" in diameter and 5" deep).

Slice the lemons thinly, about 1/8 inch if possible. Discard the ends of the lemons and as many seeds as you have patience to pick out. Layer the lemon slices in the Tupperware container until full. Next, pour the honey on top of the lemon slices. It takes several minutes for the viscous honey to fill the spaces among the lemon slices. Once the Tupperware container is filled with a solid mass of lemon slices and honey, seal tightly and place the Tupperware container in the fridge. It takes 6 to 8 hours for a magical chemical process to completely turn the lemon slices and honey into the lemon concentrate. After about 3 or 4 hours, flip the Tupperware container so that it's laying on its top. You can adjust the recipe to any quantity you want to make.

After the chemical process is complete, strain the resulting lemon concentrate, which will be much less viscous than the honey. You will have ~3.5 cups. I like to make homemade lemon soda with it by cutting the lemon concentrate with 3 or 4 parts sparkling water and stirring vigorously. Store the remaining lemon concentrate in the empty honey jar and enjoy.

ENJOY :-)